I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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