I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize