can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
