You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
