I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
