You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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