I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
