She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
