he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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