the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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