So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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