It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
