Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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