The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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