Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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