sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
