Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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