he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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