So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
