You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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