i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize