don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize