Me. At least after what I've been through.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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