You're so nebulous sometimes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
