We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
