you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
