My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
