Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
