am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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