Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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