I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
