ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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