Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
