Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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