if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
