Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
