Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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