Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
