My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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