It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
