Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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