Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
