I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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