In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
COCAINE IS GR8
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize