i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
