"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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