ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
