And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize