Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
