i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
