I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You took a bar mat shot.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
