If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
