I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My bed smells like the plague
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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