i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
