Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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