he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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