don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
