I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
