i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
