i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize