I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
