I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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