Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
