Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
