The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
its liver damage thursday
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize