matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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