Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
