you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
