He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
