sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
