The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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